Friends

Friends kept me going in my darkest days. My friends, of course. But also the TV show.

Having just lost Ma, my world had suddenly shrunk. I was stuck in my thoughts and did not step out of the TV room much. Seated in my trusty recliner, I watched Friends again…episode after episode…season after season. With my eyes on my favourite TV characters, my mind comfortably drifted. To memories from the recent past….and those of my childhood. The lines between real and make-belief blurred away. And while The One with the Evil Orthodontist was nowhere close to any personal experience (thankfully), I was transported to “the one in which Ma took me to the dentist”….” . And then, one by one, episode after episode, Ma made an appearance.  “The one in which Ma came to visit me in Australia” ….. the one in which Ma made malpoa”…”the one in which Ma was in the hospital”. Wait, close that tab, open a new one. ”The one in which Ma acted in a pujor natok”….”the one in which Ma posed with Boudi for photos in our Puri trip”….”the one in which we went to Mamabari with Ma”…”the one in which Ma packed Baba’s lunches”…”the one in which Ma braided Shanaya’s hair”…”the one in which Ma tried to get up from her wheelchair in her physiotherapy session”. No, close that too.

With my mind working overtime, I needed white noise…to fill the time it took to close a tab and open another. But not any type of white noise would do. Not music (I needed visuals) ….and not anything new (couldn’t let new voices and faces into my room or thoughts). I wanted the familiary and comfort of people I love. People I trust. On screen too, as in real life.

Friends was the only choice.

I was with them on the couch at Central Perk. They did their own thing. I did mine. But being close to them was important. I needed to be left alone. But not totally alone. They got that.

I did not skip the title credits like I usually do…. not for a single episode. I let it play, over and over again. For “I’ll be there for you..” never sounded more soothing. They meant it for me. And I believed them.