Language Vs. Intent

In the debate between language (politeness/manners/decorum/political correctness) and intent, I mostly side with intent. How often have we said the meanest words to the people we love the most (in anger or frustration or just because we had the audacity to take them for granted)? And how often do we end up using the politest/sweetest words with people we barely tolerate (for social decorum, professional courtesy or simply as “small talk”)? Too often, is my guess. Intent matters more. We may mean well but be unable to articulate it or worse still, communicate just the opposite. What’s important, I think, is that we mean/intend/wish well.

But in some cases, I choose to contradict myself. When it comes to fundamental subjects where the language we use holds the power to perpetuate stigmas and dogmas and stereotypes and cruel myths or any disrespectful, reckless, entitled, discriminatory, oppressive, dehumanizing practices and mindsets in general. For these societal and humanitarian subjects, just meaning well isn’t sufficient. Because the language used can completely nullify years of research and progress and make us inadvertent tools of regression. These issues have existed forever, you may think. True. They have. But they continue to evolve because our understanding of them is being nourished and fine-tuned with education and research. 

And while no one person can (or be expected to) be an expert in all such matters, what’s stopping us from consciously improving our awareness? If we can stay abreast of the latest smartphone models and features…of the latest fashion trends…and even current news, no reason not to dive a little deeper into subjects that may not be “trending” but are never irrelevant. Because these matters matter. And so does our language.

Last year, I had the opportunity to look into how our language frames the subject of masculinity (and its stereotypes). Today, in preparation of a great initiative by a dearest friend (more details coming soon!) and the release of a movie by one of my favourite Indian actors (about time!), I looked up the language guide for talking about disability (a resource from PWDA Australia, and written by  people with disability “to assist the general public and media outlets in talking about and reporting on disability”). To be honest, I started looking into it because I wasn’t sure what words were considered informed and respectful when talking about people with disability. In fact, I wasn’t even aware that the preferred term is “people with disability”, because many other words have crept into popular vocabulary. In reading this, I know now that many euphemisms that we commonly use (e.g. special needs, differently abled, with different abilities), are “at best condescending…at worst, they are offensive”.  

If you have the time, please read the guide. If not, here’s a summary you may find useful:

• Where possible, ask the person how they like to be described. If in doubt, use person-first language or refer to that person by name.
• Reference a person’s disability only when it’s relevant. 
• Focus on the person, not the disability.
• Avoid descriptions that suggest pity. Terms such as ‘suffers from’, ‘afflicted by’, ‘stricken with’, and ‘victim’ imply a person with disability is suffering or has a reduced quality of life. Use neutral language, instead. For example: ‘He has muscular dystrophy.’
• Don’t describe a person as ‘being’ their condition – for example, do not use ‘Vanessa is paraplegic’ or ‘Karim is autistic’. Instead using ‘Vanessa has paraplegia’ or 'Karim has autism' is correct.
• Don’t describe a person without disability as “normal” or “able bodied” or “of sound mind”. Instead, saying “person without disability” or “person is neurotypical” is correct.

The key takeaway for me, from reading this is “Paying attention to the language you use when talking about people with disability is not about being politically correct, it’s about being respectful.” And coming back to the language vs. intent debate, I’d like to think that most of us intend well. But about time we back that intent up with the choices we make about language.

Oikyotaan Editorial 2024

 (This article was the editorial for Oikyotaan, the Durga Puja Magazine of the Bengali Assocoation of Western Australia. You will find the original here.)

Why did an incident that happened at 1, Khudiram Bose Sarani, Bidhan Sarani, Shyam Bazar, Kolkata, West Bengal 700004, India (commonly known as R. G. Kar Medical College and Hospital)
lead to…

A candlelight vigil in King’s Park, Fraser Ave, Perth WA 6005, Western Australia…
A peaceful rally in Simpson Plaza, 6101 Frisco Square Boulevard, Frisco, Texas, USA…
A silent protest at Newcastle Civic Centre, Barras Bridge, Newcastle Upon Tyne, England…
A march with posters and guitars at Amsterdam Dam Square, 1012 NP Amsterdam, Netherlands…
A series of gatherings and protests at GN 29, Sector V, Salt Lake, Kolkata 700091, West Bengal, India (Shastha Bhavan)…
A month-long (and longer) period of unrest where thousands of people across Kolkata are stepping out of their daily routines, embracing the disruptions, delays, inconveniences and losses that come with mass protests…
And hundreds of other displays of solidarity across the globe… demanding justice ….?

Because it makes our blood boil and our hearts weep.
Because it’s a violation… of a woman, of human rights, of law and justice, of democracy and freedom, of everything a civilised society should represent…
Because it happened at an institution that is meant to provide care for the sick and injured. An institution that, at the least, should provide safety and security.
Because a crime was committed, not on its own, but to hide several crimes that happened before it…and to cause several more to be committed after it.
Because it exposed rottenness like never before. At every level.
Because it is getting muddier every day. And the promised light at the end of the tunnel is getting farther away.
Because justice is demanded. But even hope is being denied.
Because it’s personal. For each one of us.

In that context, what happened at R.G. Kar Medical College and Hospital is not only a rape and murder. It is, in my opinion, nothing less than an act of terrorism1.

Many theories, opinions, questions and facts have surfaced regarding the “why”. Why was the crime committed? Why is the crime being covered up? Legal, political, moral, psychological, societal angles have been discussed and debated, extensively worldwide. I am neither an expert nor am I able to keep up with the new information that media is feeding us every day. But what I have gained over the last few weeks is a different perspective and a bit more awareness.

Only recently, in talking to a friend, I associated rape with a behavioural or mental disorder. What else could cause someone to act so brutal? But turns out, although some rapists may have a psychological disorder, it is not the case for all. While motives behind sexual assault vary and are difficult to quantify, according to several studies, rape is less about sexual gratification but more about dominating people. Most experts in the subject believe that “rape nearly exclusively has to do with issues of power and violence.”

In 2016, the United Nation’s Secretary General presented a report on “Conflict-related Sexual Violence”, where the council recognised sexual violence as both a “tactic of war and a tactic of terrorism…”
The report mentions:
“Women and girls face a heightened risk of sexual assault when performing livelihood activities such as collecting firewood, grass or water, going to markets or tending fields, as in the Central African Republic, the Democratic Republic of the Congo, northern Nigeria, South Sudan and the Sudan (Darfur), or when herding cattle, as in remote areas of Myanmar. In the Central African Republic, rape has been used to punish women of a certain religion for trading with members of another community….
The ever-present threat of sexual assault compels women to lead highly circumscribed lives in militarized zones, as seen in eastern Afghanistan or northern Sri Lanka. Moreover, high-profile women across a range of professions have been subjected to sexual harassment and humiliation aimed at silencing them.”

It may seem like a girl tending fields in Nigeria or a woman collecting firewood in the remote areas of Myanmar have very little in common with an accomplished, female doctor in a metropolitan city like Kolkata. But surprisingly, the context and motivation of the crimes they were subjected to are the same! In all these cases, “sexual violence served as a tool of social and moral control to relegate women to the private sphere and to punish perceived ‘countercultural’ behaviour.”

Unfortunately, in some cultures (including ours), patriarchy and dominance are expressed through a kind of “dehumanization” in which women are seen as inferior to men and sexual assault as a way of keeping them in their place.
So what we are dealing with (sexual violence) is not necessarily triggered by a clinical condition but a societal/cultural pre-conditioning. Which means, there is hope. It can be reversed. Slowly but steadily…even if it takes generations, we can teach our young men that stereotypical ideas of masculinity are as harmful for them as it is for women and society in general. There is no glory in exhibiting violence, dominance, emotional illiteracy, sexual entitlement, and hostility to femininity. That women are not objects to be controlled and dominated. That masculinity is not about having to hide your emotions. In fact, it is healthy to be in touch with your emotions to the extent that you know how to deal with them. If we want boys and young men to live happy and fulfilled lives and be caring and respectful in relationships with women, they need role models who show them that “being a good man is really just about being a good person 2”. It truly is a shared responsibility…and it starts at home.

Until the mindset changes, here’s hoping that the worldwide wave of “Justice for R. G. Kar” washes up the perpetrators to the shore….and justice is indeed served to prove that nobody is above the law and no woman, child or man is beneath it.

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Sharod Shubhechha from the entire team of Oikyotaan 2024 (volunteers, contributors, sponsors and committee members). I hope you enjoy the contributions of the writers and artists, which will take you on a journey in Max’s Flying Car, from South Africa to Jaldapara via Ballarat! Tighten your seatbelts, as there are Shark Attacks and Nazi Attacks along the way. You may spot a Girl in the Lotus Dress, wave at three Indo-Aussie youngsters who take pride in their culture or hear about a heroic boy’s Sacrifice. But most importantly, you will find out why Ma Durga Likes Rainbow Ice Cream.

P.S. On this article, I have shared a few recommendations from a health promotion foundation, which has done extensive research on masculine stereotypes in Australia. Our hearts are heavy this festive season, but I hope we can be inspired by these recommendations to start having these important and productive discussions with our loved ones.