Thursday, July 8, 2010

Snail in our Mail

If you thought that that our family was 11 of us only, you were wrong.

Our mailbox is home to a family of snails. They think our mails are their meals. I think their favourite dish is important bank documents. Our pin numbers and bank statements are digested and excreted overnight. All that is left of those is the ANZ Bank logo. They don’t seem to like the junk mail at all. The fliers from cheap Chinese restaurants in the neighbourhood....or the price list of the local grocery shop are left untouched. It’s just the mails with our names on it that they like. This makes me sure that it’s a conspiracy. They do it deliberately. If paper was food, surely they wouldn’t let go of the colourful brochures, which look (and maybe even taste?) much better than the bland looking bank documents. But no. They want to chew our financials. True, our savings account balance is $0.00 (after buying this house). But come on. Some respect? At least leave the “minimum balance due” and the “due date” intact?

We have to call up the banks and redirect our mails to our office addresses. But the softy that I am, I don’t want to starve them. So I have decided that after I pay the bills, I will put them back in the mailbox for the snails.

If Sister Anne Mary (of Loreto convent) was reading this, she would know that I may never have memorised the Christmas carols, but I was paying attention to “All things bright and beautiful...all creatures great and small”.

But most importantly, I hope the snails realise what a kind lady I am and leave my “End of season VIP shoe sale discount vouchers” alone, which I was told by the shoe shop had already been dispatched and cannot be redirected. I have spent thousands of dollars all year to win these (and that explains our savings balance too). If anything happens to them, the “creatures great and small” better have their tombstone ready.

Graphic - Courtesy Google.


AB said...

Clown! I hope the snails are keeping well though:O

manikarn said...

WTF, just the other day I had a dream about a man covered with snails crawling all over his body and then he was picking up his kid and I was getting so tensed that now the kid is going to be covered with snails too that I actually woke up... Again , WTF!!!!!!!

Scribbler :) said...

@AB - O, don't worry about them. They are getting fatter and having a honeymoon in there. Seems to be increasing every day.

Scribbler :) said...

@ Manikarn - Pray, what's the significance of a man covered with snails? Freud would have thought your dream was erotic, for sure. Will need to investigate.

manikarn said...

Hey!! Are you into psychic stuff?! Freud would think ANY object under the sun to be erotic.. but if you want to do an analysis and tell me what's going on, I will be more than happy :)

Scribbler :) said...

@ Manikarn - Not into psycic stuff...just wondered because your dream sounded interesting. And yes, Freud saw erotic in everything, including the damn snails (I guess)!