Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Silly School Girls Club

I have known girls who drew the outline of a men’s brief on their answer sheets in response to a question that said “Give a brief outline of Shylock’s character in Merchant of Venice”. No, that’s not true. I don’t know any such girl. But wish I did, because am sure there are a few.

But I did know a Hindi-speaking girl who, in answer to a particular question in our Bengali exam, wrote this in her answer sheet:
Please refer to page 11, answer 2 of Obhagir Shorgo .

For a girl who chewed Pan Parag at that precious age, she did pretty well, I’d say. She had memorised word for word from a Questions and Answers book for that year, without hassling her delicate brain with the fate of Obhagi. Therefore, she had inadvertently done what many of us wanted to do i.e. directed our Bengali teacher to open the particular page in a book and look for the answer herself, if she was that desperate.

I also knew somebody who bribed me with a packet of chips in class 2, when she peed in her pants in class and wanted to keep it hush (I was the only privileged witness to the tributary).

But nothing beats another girl who took it a step forward. She pooped in her pants and obviously couldn’t keep it hush (even if she promised a lifetime’s supply of chips to the whole class). Our History teacher (a dainty, fragile, mouse-like lady) fainted at the stench. The school cleaner (one of the few male employees in an all-girls convent), came to the rescue with a broom . What was he thinking? To beat the last bit of shit out of her with a broom?

And of course there was that girl who slit her wrists to write a bloody letter to her class teacher...her latest “crush”. The letter never got posted or handed over to the person intended...but we all took turns to inspect her wrists and pinch her wounds too...to see if she was faking it. What a happy hetero-sexual lady she now is! Wonder what makes so many school girls fancy their female teachers. Or do school authorities intentionally recruit masculine female teachers (with beards) to stop little girls from fancying real boys?

The school authority too had their share of silliness, especially trying to outwit the smart girls. Note to self: At that age, the crown of “smart girl” went to anyone with a boyfriend. But I digress. I believe that our convent had assigned a dying nun (one who had as much fun and sex in her life as does a domestic mop) to set our “School Uniform” rules:

  • The socks must start from where the dress ends
  • The shoes must be bought from the nearest “disability” store
  • Ugly, red, thick household curtains most be worn as ribbons on two equally oiled plaits
In short, no effort was spared to make us look as attractive as household rats. Therefore, any girl, who managed to acquire a boyfriend in spite of the household-rat look, was nothing short of “smart”. One such girl was spotted with a boy outside school premises, by one of the dying-nun brigade. On being interrogated, she said that it was her “brother”. The following week, we were to have a school fete, where families of students were welcome. Our noticeboard read “No brothers allowed, except infants”. The smart girls turned up with their boyfriends in the fete. On being interrogated again, they said that the boys were their boyfriends and assured the nuns that they had left all their brothers at home. Of course the girls spent their next weekend writing “I will learn to behave myself”, in immaculate handwriting, 500 times on ruled paper...but what the heck.

Silliness in school was so much fun. Don’t you think?

P.S. Obhagir Shorgo is a story about a young girl whose name pretty much defined her life. Obhagi = bad destiny.

Image - Courtesy Google


Madmax said...

Had kept this to be read just before I was to sleep .. I knew it would be worth the wait.

Superb. Yet again ... And are you serious ? They actually put up that notice on the board on brothers ????

By the way, it should be dis-tributary :-) ...

Scribbler :) said...

@Madmax - Yes, no kidding. they really did have such a notice. And hope you slept well and did not get nightmares about slit wrists and poop in pants.

Madmax said...

Sleeping peacefully @ night is a luxury that I can dimly remember these days ... Sigh ... Either it's a wail denoting "I have pooped" or "I saw a bad dream" or "Dad !! WTF !! You sleeping ? Heh !! You nuts ? Do humans sleep at 3.30 AM" ... (even longer) sigh

The Ketchup Girl said...

:) you never fail me make me smile. I went to a convent too- a co-ed one. Fun. Our nuns were so much nicer. Keep writing, girl. Come to think of it, i knew few fun girls. What i'm interested in knowing is- what did u contribute to this club?

Scribbler :) said...

@KG - Well, I caught up in my adulthood and made such terrible faux pas (you may have read my Faux Pas and Morals Series in the blog) that I wished I had pooped in my pants insted,which I also did, as I mentioned here:

PreeOccupied said...

This should make an entry to a Booker for Bloggers. Hilarious, Scribbler. I went to a convent school and college, 15 years of my life doomed. I so identify with the little anecdotes you have to share. I never wore ribbons, 'coz I had short hair. But the socks and no boyfriends and making up brothers at the drop of whatever is so identical to these silly schools with their holier than thou virtues. Girls in our school who had boyfriends in spite of all the odds were branded sluts! The rest of them wanted to surrender themselves to Jesus. My best friend wanted to become a nun. Today she is married with two kids.

P.S. Did you have Moral Science classes too?

Scribbler :) said...

@ Pree - Yep, had Moral Science classes for sure! Goodness, what a joke they were. Quite a good way to do nothing at all....just kill time and have stupid debates on the 7 deadly sins!

Anonymous said...

Hey Scribbler, stumbled upon your blog and found it totally gigglesome :) I am trying to suppress chuckles and keep a straight during peak office hours. (What I am doing blog-surfing during work hours, however, does not count). I went to a co-ed convent myself and was a hushed witness to a similar pooped-in-pants incident. Another out-there rule was: boys and girls cannot share "tiffins" during "recess" and girls were not supposed to talk about "those days". Groovy! Keep writing and excuse me while I go thru the rest of your space. *hurriedly flicks pages. xx D