Manual

One of my habits that I am immensely proud of is that I store purchase receipts till the print vaporizes from the paper and save user manuals till the product is dead and ready for its grave.

Receipts come in handy when we want to exchange something (which is one in every two purchases). As for user manuals, Amit thinks I don’t have the heart to throw them away because I am a Technical Writer, and I occasionally copy their style and format. I have tried to explain to him that all Technical Writers do not write user manuals, and I for one, have nothing to copy from them.

I actually save them so that I can check facts and procedures from time to time. For example, when I accidentally switch off the microwave main power, I lose the clock settings on it. So I go back to my carefully saved manual and set the time again. Though it seems like it would be an easier option to ask Amit to do it…trust me, it’s not. On an exceptionally rare day, he may oblige me after my 171st ‘Can you pleeeeeeeeeeaaasss set the clock on the microwave?’ But I don’t take chances.

It’s a pity that marriages don’t come with receipts or manuals. And I must admit that I would definitely have referenced them if they existed. I often think that life would have been so much simpler if there was a manual with these troubleshooting procedures:

• ‘How to switch off your partner’s snoring’



• ‘What to do when your partner fumes’



• ‘How to make your partner love others channels apart from Sports’



• ‘5 ways to make your partner perform better in household chores’



• ‘3 emergency steps to cool off an angry partner’



• ‘How to avoid overheating in a conversation relating to in-laws or savings’



• ‘How to recover a lost connection’



• ’10 easy ways to keep your partner happy and ticking’



• ‘5 ways to make your partner stop smoking and discarding the ash on a favorite piece of china’



• ‘How to make your partner share the remote control’



• ‘What to do when your partner does not talk for hours’



• ‘How to program some regular tasks (like taking the bin out and cleaning the garage) into your partner’s memory’



• ‘How to make your partner choose sensible gifts’



• ‘When to call for professional help’

Considering that there is a huge market for such a manual, I am quite keen to take up this project. However, I am aware that my resume is not very promising for the job (2.5 years of marriage, 1 husband, no boyfriends (past or present), no affairs or flings, few childhood crushes that led to nothing but a few diary entries). But I am confident that I can create a very talented resource pool if my friends are willing to join me in this venture and contribute to this mammoth task.

So here is my job ad for the venture...click to enlarge.