Thursday, October 1, 2009

Fat-so?

Many many kilos ago, there lived a little girl, in the little land of Bongs.
It was Me.

[Though, for those who have had the misfortune of seeing me lately, I understand that it’s difficult to think of me as ever being “little”. My heartfelt apologies for anybody who went back home and dieted/exercised on my behalf. I sincerely hope you have overcome the trauma.]

Anyway, going back many many years when I hadn't taken up the challenge of outdoing the weighing scale, I don’t really see a different “Me”. I mean, I am essentially the same person…just hiding behind layers of adipose…and smiling above the third chin I am blessed with (Oh! What generosity from the God of Adipose).

Though I “see” myself as the same, it’s interesting to note how people’s comments to/on me have changed with the years (kilos).
Sample this:
Earlier
People – Why are you decked up so much? Who are you trying to impress?
Me – Umm…haven’t made the list yet.
Now
People – You look so sweet and cuddly.
Me – Thanks, you said the same thing when you saw my neighbour’s overfed dog.
Earlier
People – You look taller. Are you wearing heels?
Me – Yes I am. It’s quite warm today, so I thought it would be cooler up here.
Now
People – Why are you hugging your saree pallu in every snap? Are you pregnant?
Me – No, just my tummy. Thanks for asking.

When I hear about my friends being on diets (friends who are half my weight) or my fit-and-frisky colleagues going for a run at lunch time, I wonder:
Is there more wrong with me than my weight?

Why don’t my hands fumble when I generously butter my toasts in the morning?
Why don’t I ever stop at the salad or fresh fruits section at the supermarket?
Why do I confidently ask for two sugars in my cappuccino, where all my friends go for a skinny flat white?
Why do I wait for Amit to pick me up when the shopping centre is just a km away from home? (I even complain if he doesn't manage to get the nearest parking)
Why don’t I ever read the calorie information of the food (junk )I buy ?
Why can’t I ever think of a salad as a proper meal? Or a tasty option?
Why don’t I feel ashamed to ask for a size XL when I am out shopping for Tees?
Why do I change the TV channel when they say “1 out of every 2 Australian is obese. Obesity increases your risk of many heart diseases ” ?
Why do I eat the fourth scoop of ice cream without a jitter?
Why does the mirror never make me think of suicide? Or at least a gym?
Why do I love telling my sister that my picture files are too “heavy” to be sent to her?
Why don't the pictures of my slim-and-sexy friends on orkut/facebook intimidate/inspire me?

Is this "I-know-exercise-is-not-for-me" excuse good enough?
Is this “I-don’t-care-how-I-look” attitude normal?
Is this “I-know-diets-don’t-help” perspective a kind of escapism?

There is more wrong with me than my weight.
[sigh]
I think I need therapy.

But for now, a brownie would do.

15 comments:

Debanjana said...

ki kori bolto

Mustaf said...

I have hardly seen any women honestly speaking about "I-don’t-care-how-I-look".Bravo..

I shd thank the gr8 spiderman from where I got to see ur blog, this is so hillarious.I am actually going to read again specially those "Why"s :P

BTW, I was expecting a Puja post either from you or from KG, i know it is about weekend puja there, but still :(

Scribbler :) said...

@ Mustaf - Thanks! And I expected a pujo post from myself too...but I ended up writing the "Me-time" post. So you can guess how exciting my pujo was :(

shalini's world said...

Nijer poishay kheye deye mota hochhish: Who's father's what goes?? Enjoyed every bit of your writing. Ami pyangla....taai amakeo katha shunte hoy. They expect a Madhuri Dixit everywhere.... desire unlimited!

shalini's world said...
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shalini's world said...
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Daisy Blue said...

Being fit has become the in thing for so many years now.. hate it or like it.. people stare @ you either way..one to appreciate & another to depreciate :)

sujata said...

blog hopped and am I glad on reaching this page, made me laugh in the midlle of the office..self depreciating humour at its best..loved it! dont worry we are all there with you..just keep the heart intact ok, am blogrolling you

The Ketchup Girl said...

add soome icecream to the brownies too. See my point is simple- do whtever you do, guilt free. if you are not enjoying it 100 percent you're doing it wrong.

Scribbler :) said...

@ Daisy Blue - That's the problem...can't keep up with so many of the "in things" :(

@sujata - Thanks for dropping by. As for the heart...well, "dil hain ke manta nahin" that I should refrain from such habits. Will try, sometime...someday.

@KG - Am on the second ice cream scoop for the day, as I write this :)

Madmax said...

Ha ! Loved the piece. Gotta show this to my wife, whose first words most mornings are "Guess what ? I dreamt last night I was looking as reed thin as Priyanka (Chopra). Yohoooo .. Aaaj theke no pastries, no brownies." Seeing my dead pan face she says "You just wait and watch. Give me just 2 months. You woulld see a New Me"... And inevitably by lunch time she would call me up from school and wail "Ami chaaai ni khete, Swati jor kore kaju-borfi khaiyeche. Duto. Or shashuri Kolkata theke eneche toh." .. Same story on most days with minor deviations :-) .. Why don't you "supposedly" fat women realise that if your respective spouses love you, it really does not matter to them if you are fat (or not) .. :-).. So, eat away .. and to your heart's content.

Scribbler :) said...

@ Madmax - There is a "thick" line of difference between "fat" and "supposedly fat". As long as one is on the right side, a "kaju barfi" or two doesn't really "show". As soon as one crosses the line and enters the wrong side, each kaju in the barfi forms a layer somewhere (till there are so many layers that one looks like a multi-storeyed building). Am sure your wife is far from being fat...and I pray she remains so.

As for me, yes it's reassuring to know that the husband doesn't mind an earthemover of a wife :)

Rhea said...

I've battled with the weight issue all my life (You know how pudgy I was when in school). I've reached a point in life where I don't want to be skinny anymore. Just healthy is good enough. N I do all I do for no one else but myself. Love myself! :-)

stringOfPearls said...

U make me happy. Such comfort in your body regardless of weight is rare.

That answers all your questions by the way. You are comfortable in your own skin a very very very rare phenomenon.

Sayantani said...

well these days a picture well taken constitutes us in shirts that make us look a tad less fat (or that's what we think). our best friends are those who posts comments' like "u look thinner" n u end up looking at the same comment 100th time.