Socialising is the greatest form of masochism. You put time, effort and money into meeting new people or catching up with old acquaintances…and then let these very people steal your peace of mind, increase your stress level and leave you disgusted.
The one thing that I really want to be is:
“Self-motivated to be happy” (as one of my wisest friends, Sus di puts it)
As each day goes by, I realise how badly I need to master, or at least acquire this skill. At the moment, I am far from it…depending on “external factors” for my daily dose of happiness.
Friendless, in a far-away land that has offered very few like-minded people, I absolutely MUST learn to be happy alone.
Wish I could be happy in my own company (which is hard…because I am quite boring unless drunk)
Wish I did not need "people" to talk to(I could talk to the trees or insects in my garden and am sure they would reciprocate better)
Wish I had as much fun reading a book or watching a movie as I do when I am with friends (which would also help build that dream library I want so badly)
Wish I did not need to call a hundred people in India to feel good (which would save a lot of money too)
Wish I wouldn’t let random comments from random people affect my peace of mind (which would let me concentrate on other more important things like cloud-watching or cleaning the toilet)
If only I could start enjoying the “me” time, I would be so much closer to the person I want to be.
7 comments:
I get I get. I wish happiness was much much more internal but it doesn't work that way,I meet people but sometimes people fall short and I'm back to square one. I wish we were enough on our own. Maybe it will be so eventually...
Bijoyaar hug :)
para 1 is the sum total of all thats happeneing to me. I don't know why I crave to socialise. I don't know why i end up making so many friends..more than I can handle and I don't quite know how the hell to get out of this self created web. Its a lot like eating if u ask me. first we crave for all those yummy food. then we serve unimaginable portions and can't quite handle it. and then we land in the worst ever mess- a big huge waist line that we don't know how to get rid of. And thats when we need to seclude ourselves from food :D, like we need to get away from fiends for our 'me' time..
i like your friend's wise advice :)
Agree fully with the 1st paragraph. Double edged sword. Hence have intentionally maintained an extremely low profile in SG. Or else the 'meeting' and 'dining with' acquaintances eat into time that we would otherwise have for 'ourselves'.
Meanwhile, have uploaded a new post @ blog, back after a 4 day holiday to Rebak. Shomoy pele porish.
Parle http://brishtibhejadin.blogspot.com/2009/09/grocery-shopping-trauma-unlimited.html porish .. this is a guy's perspective on being forced to go grocery shopping :-) .. I had promised Ketchup Girl that I would come up with the a guy's view
Debs, it's not that I don't feel the uselessness of socializing. However, let's look at it this way. Every relationship that we have from the closest to the distant, are based on some sort of interdependence, a give and take, forged much before we thought of globalization.Sometimes the exchange is materialistic and at other times it is on a more elevated mental plane:-)For example, what both of us take and give each other is quality time, a nonjudgmental hearing, basically being there across time and space. If you analyze relationships, and am sure you have, then you will come to realize that this is true for all relations even that of a parent and child. What we have to realize that there is nothing wrong in this give and take process. This is how we were meant to function. Hence socializing has it's own 'take (peace of mind) and give (few shared hours, martinis, and jokes)'. What we need to learn and realize that in each one of our individual lives, every other person we meet, has a role to play, be it for a few seconds, hours or years. So, basically nothing being permanent, it is not logical to 'EXPECT' anything from any situation. Just give up on ure expectations, and do what you want to do, because you want to do. Host a dinner, call a friend, visit a colleague, tell someone if they touch your life; do it for you dont want to regret feeling you have not done something. But DO NOT EXPECT it to be returned. Do it for the joy it brings to you. Another simple advice; it works wonders for me and I do not know if it will help you. I do not live in a fool's paradise, but I do visit it often:-) Then for those blissful hours I can dream even my wildest dreams, live my wildest fantasies, come back to the grounded reality with a kitty full of happiness, self esteem, and secret pleasure.
@ Sus di - Your comment is like a post in itself, and much better than mine. Am not surprised..after all, you are one of my "wisest" friends. Thanks for always being there...and knowing exactly what to say to motivate me when I need it the most.
All this gyan is easy when u have crossed forty, learned the hard way after a few bruises and bumps:-)however much I want to tell you from before, you will much prefer to learn them through your own bumps and bruises. Thats wat makes 'life' 'alive', wat say?
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